How many tote bags can one hippie tote?

As many as they give away for free.

More from the sister

I know I've been quoting her a lot--she might as well be a co-author of the blog at this point--but this is something she said to me a few years ago, and it keeps popping up in my head lately:

Our conveniences aren't conveniences; they're fucking burdens and constraints. When did man sacrifice depth of consciousness for processed, pre-sliced cheese?

From JT and me:

I have absolutely no time for absolutes.

From Dan:

A shitwalk cake.

Drinking quotes attributed to me

I've figured out what other people call 'hungover' I call 'morning'.

Drinking helps with life.

A new motto

After, or rather in the middle of a quiet, unproductive day (up to that point), I was emptying (or was it loading?) the dishwasher, still in my pajamas, and suddenly thought, Just fuck it. Why not get married, spit out a kid, and then I could just stay home all the time and do nothing.

My next thought was, That would be so boring.

I would also hate taking care of a kid--it would take away from my time.

Hence a later conversation I had with my sister about her maybe someday having a child:
"I'd make a horrible parent, but I might make a good aunt."

What I'm going to have to do now

Why don't I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off into Jobland where jobs grow on little jobbies?
--Charlie, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia